The Start

I don't feel like covering the past just yet because that takes a long time and right now, I just need to document the start of something. This blog will not go public until I am done.

At the beginning this journey (I am praying I succeed), I'm starting at 275.4 pounds. This number is hard for me to fathom for a few reasons:

1) For a long time, I was just 220+ around there - that was enough out of control feeling.
2) The gradual gain has been so sneaky and I'm not the greatest record keeper.
3) This is a scary number that I never thought I'd see and I never want to see again.

A couple of years ago, I started Medifast, on which I lost 30lbs. But because food is a drug in the abusive sense for me, I let go of my success and ate copious amounts of out-and-out junk food because I was angry about things I could not control. Notice that word? CONTROL?

The time to act is now because, as my 28th birthday is nearing, each year makes the weight more permanent and harder to lose. I feel like I am sitting out on life, and as a kid, I had no intentions of missing out on anything.

So, here it goes. I haven't decided on the frequency of blog updates. I'm lucky if I post one a month on the published blog I'm committed to, so I'll have to think these things out. I'm hoping for 1-2 posts a week, but the battle for me to stay on track will be daily. I have to admit that I am pessimistic because I've tried and failed so many times. I've tried and psyched myself up, I've tried and given up easily, and I've tried and tried and tried and tried. I'm not talking yo-yo dieting - I think all of that is always just a replacement for good old-fashioned hard work, but I have not known where to start, what my feelings "should" be, and how to fix my very real problem with indulgence. So, here goes. I'm going to work it out here, and see where it leads me down the road.